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Accidental Daffodils

I am grateful for having been underestimated, put down, and lied to. I am so glad that I worked for a crook. So glad that I dated men who didn't respect me, repeatedly. I am happy that not so long ago, I thought I was as worthless as people said I was.

If I wasn’t misunderstood, taken for granted, laughed at, stolen from, talked down to, I don’t think I ever would’ve become the passionate person that I am today. Who knows? Every success I have now is because I know which direction I want to go in, and I go. I hope that kids these days don’t have to go this hard route to figure out how phenomenal they are. I think it probably could’ve been easier for me, but I am still here and I am grateful every day. I take risks because I failed enough times to know that a little bit of rejection and a little bit of pain is a whole lot better than living a lifetime of regret. I reach for what I want. I have uncomfortable conversations. I speak my truth. I am sober and that was hard, but After 13 years, I can’t imagine living any other way.

I am too much for some. Sometimes even too much for myself! I am blessed to have a good husband, phenomenal friends who know me for my flaws and weirdness but love my brave heart anyways! There just isn't time for fear and certainly no time to stay still. The hardest part about taking risks is that first jump. After that you just get smarter. You fail, and you fail again and that hurts. You cry, and you think that you can’t possibly recover, but you will. You must. You must do it for your child. Do it for your grandmother. Do it for your cat. Do it for anyone right now if you aren't ready to believe that you are enough of a reason. By the way, you are so worth it.

Sometimes it takes a friend to convince you to do something you don’t think you are ready to do. Thank God for the tiny little plot twists and divine intervention happening in the strangest of ways.

I found this patch of daffodils when I wasn't even looking. I wanted a quiet trail, away from people. I wanted solitude today. And then got to this section of the property I was navigating through, and they had overrun the obscure trail which was not really yet green from early spring, yet bright yellow heads of glory lined the trail; a bright and cheery parade of joy. Daffodils are a sign of rebirth. I wanted to get lost in the woods, and yet these bright and cheery little sunshine angels lit my path and reminded me of the unexpected joy comes from nature.

From William Wordsworth's I wandered Lonely as a Cloud

I wandered lonely as a cloud That floats on high o'er vales and hills, When all at once I saw a crowd, A host, of golden daffodils; Beside the lake, beneath the trees, Fluttering and dancing in the breeze. Continuous as the stars that shine And twinkle on the milky way, They stretched in never-ending line Along the margin of a bay: Ten thousand saw I at a glance, Tossing their heads in sprightly dance.

Conquering the fear of failure was one of the greatest clearings of my life. When you fail enough, you realize that it's only hard on the Spirit for a little bit. Maybe it's a little bit like Winter in New England. it's painful as all hell, frigid and numbing, but before we know it, we re back to growth, and color and rebirth into something new. Pushing through the darkness is everything about who I am today.

No one will ever have the power again to tell me that I can’t do something. Because I can, I have, and I will again. And you know what else? I accept help. I need help. Each of us have our own paths, but when I need help navigating mine, or feel lost, I ask for help from the Divine, and I seek help from my community of teachers, friends and everyday real and authentic people in my life. Each of our paths may be unique, but having community and others to aid when needed is everything beautiful and bright. Today, these daffodils were that reminder. Help is all around us.

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Rising into a Heart Space

I got a new therapist. I met with her in person this week for the first time. It was exciting and also annoying. I remember the hard parts of therapy now. I was always good at talk therapy. I like to


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